It is inexplicable – this feeling inside. No, it’s much more than a feeling, it’s… I don’t have the words to describe it.
I feel Him beckoning my soul and it brings me peace. I know the road ahead is going to be amazing and fulfilling. I heard Him call me and I simply could not say no.
I’ve come to know that the reason I see the reasons in my seasons is a blessing, it’s a gift. I am thankful that I see it, I feel it, I know it. I know the reason for my life, for my every breath and my every step.
He has made me stronger and I am free. With all the trials and tribulations – what was and what is to come - I know I will not be forsaken, I will not be left alone.
I was promised a life in abundance and that is the life I intend to live.
I posses no regrets, no shame for the things He has done in my life. I am utterly blessed.
I know this ministry of my life ahead will be one shared with a partner with this very same call and heart.
I know he is out there and I know our paths will cross – as long as we both are pursuing that call of God in our hearts, there is no way we will miss each other.
I have decided to follow Jesus, no turning back, no turning back.
It’s not rocket science really; the man of the last century said it so aptly: “Stupidity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result.” – Albert Einstein.
I find myself so mad again today, I had to take 5 mins to lock myself in a room at work and I sobbed.
I get so frustrated, I don’t know how else it’ll ever come out. Except if I just allowed myself a few tears.
Am I expecting too much of humanity or is mankind predominantly that bizarre???
The principle of the matter is this – make a decision and stick with it! Unless it’s a bad decision but that’s not the point…
I think as young adults we are capable, correction, more than capable to make decisions of many sorts and to stick to them.
But perhaps the statistics about new year resolutions will prove as an analogy with 1/3 of people making them never really keeping them past the first bit of the year.
And another thing, I am exhausted of always trying to understand you. I get it that we got to learn to love people in their own language but come on guys… There is that and then there is too much….
I find myself constantly noticing people finding my limits and always tapping a them an trying to push them…. Argh!
Perhaps it is my fault… I did pray the Prayer of Jabez over my life a lon time ago – for God to enlarge my territory (in my case – my heart capacity).
I can’t keep being so mindlessly consumed by the very issue of young adults. My passion is dwindling every time I hit head on a few times in a row.
Perhaps I am too hard on people, but perhaps we ARE capable of better.
And I know that the Good Lord has a reason for this lesson I am learning.
One day I MUST learn and master the technique of NOT getting upset about matters like these.
This news will soon reach most of you, I’ve been accepted into the London School of Hygiene and Tropical Medicine, as well as Mercy Ships. What this says is that I will officially be leaving Australia for good (of course the door to come back is open as long as God says so, but there is not a plan to return…)
I will remain in Australia for another 8 months and be leaving home for Singapore for a little bit before heading over to the UK and doing the 3 month intensive course. I will then be heading to Africa and boarding the Mercy Ships for 8 weeks. While I remain in Australia, I will be doing my immunisations course as well.
Now that I have gotten the facts out of the way, here’s the inner journey…
I feel that this is the first step to the rest of my life – it’s my major step in life, with this journey, I alter the way my life will go from here. I’ve been thinking about the cost of following Jesus and Luke 9 was an eye opener for me. It used to baffle me that Jesus “seemed” so harsh as to say “let the dead bury the dead”…. it seemed like He didn’t care about family, didn’t God command to honor your father and mother? Then He spoke to me – “Mel, if you think I am being harsh, then you are worshipping the wrong god.” It hit me, God will look after whatever we leave to follow Him; I’m not saying it is easy, but it is a choice to TRUST that He knows best, SO MUCH better than you or I would ever know about our own lives. He created us right down to every atom.
I was afraid and didn’t want to leave my dad alone. But God must know and definitely has a plan – a plan much better than mine.
So I wept on my knees and I said to God, “Lord, I don’t think I can pay this price, I am unable.” Then He said to me, “but, I AM ABLE.”
After walking with the Lord through every storm in my life, I’ve come to know that He has a reason for every season. There’s always something He is working in me, no matter what circumstance I am in.
I watched a movie today called Moneyball, and there was this point where Billy Beane (Brad Pitt) says that he is not concerned with just winning games, he wanted to change the way the game was played. If you watch the movie, by this point, Billy had already created phenomenal waves in the game of Baseball, he was just too short sighted to see it right then. So Pete, this genius Yale graduate who also happens to be his assistant GM, asks Billy to watch this one game with this 240 pound Ball player, Jeremy Brown. Jeremy’s fear was to bat a ball and had to run, he’s heavy and clumsy. So in this one video snippet, Jeremy bats and hits and he starts running, stumbles, falls and struggles to hit 2nd base as he was crawling on the ground and true to his fears, looks an an absolute fool; then he looks up after his fall and everyone is laughing but they’re weren’t laughing that he fell and toppled…. See, Jeremy didn’t even know his hit sent the ball 60 feet over the fence, he had hit a homerun. Jeremy didn’t even need to run. He did it and didn’t even know it.
Pete was saying to Billy that Billy had essentially changed the game of baseball with his unique sabermetric approach and the evidence was the 20 wins in a row, and he did it on a 41 million budget while big teams like the Yankees had 120 million and nowhere close to the winning streak Billy had – and he didn’t even know it.
So what do you think that taught me? It reminded me that I had to learn to watch – and see the moments where “it” has happened. The thing we’ve waited for all our lives.The dream we long to see come to pass.
This is my life, a life that seeks after Him.
I embark on this journey, with some fears, but I walk out in faith nonetheless. I trust that when I get to one point, He will guide me to the next.
I walk on from here with no apology,no shame, just knowing that He will be with me.
If God just be a little bit in me, a little bit around me and little bit beside me… step by step, I cannot be wrong, nor can I go wrong.
He knows, He knows everything. What an amazing comprehension to have.
I am learning so much about Him, and every season, I never fail to be amazed at who He is.
I am taking small steps for giant things. And I know He has me, with every decision I make, small or big, I hear Him and I know the choices I have to make, whether it makes sense to you or me or anyone else, should never change my final action – to do exactly what He said.
Stepping into the divine requires nothing physical, it requires everything spiritual – it is faith that will rock your world, faith that will let miracles be your everyday happenstance, faith, just a little bit; even in the tiniest of doses, can be ever so powerful.
I know not what may come, but I know who will be with me.
Just a little bit by little bit…. step by step… I am being led into my destiny.
Growing up, there was this old song we use to sing at church….. “Only by grace can we enter, Only by grace can we stand, not by our human endeavour but by the power of the Lamb…”
I used to sing it all the time but knew not of the weight of those words. The amazing meaning of grace.
The ministry of Grace is one that has puzzled me and of late, the one lesson that seems to be the theme of my season. What is grace? in his book The Grace of God, Andy Stanley calls it as such, “Grace acknowledges the full implication of sin and yet does not condemn.”
It is the first book in my life where I’ve cried just by reading the forward! Obviously God was planting seeds – unbeknownst to me.
I’ve held somethings in my heart for a long time – over the recent years, some people have hurt me terribly so – and unless you are with me in my bedroom, you will never hear, let alone see the tears I’ve shed in secret. And continually, I’ve chosen to forgive time and time again, for neither am I without sin, I am not without my log in my own eye. God will forgive us as we forgive those we trespass against us. Grace – I learnt it from the master Himself – the one and only Gracious God.
So after forgiveness, comes the other level of Grace – understanding how minute and natural we are and how exceedingly SUPERnatural He is! Well in my books at least, I dare not profess to be an expert in the ministry of Grace, I am only able to speak the little of which I’ve lived and witnessed; and mostly by that which I’ve received personally from my Lord and Saviour.
I sat in a little sermon today and LL asked us to reflect upon our lives and our hearts – immediately I wanted to cry… I knew God was searching through my inner most being and truth be told, I was scared as to what He might surface in me… so on the drive home I cried in my car… I took a shower and got into bed and I cried for 20 mins more. As I sobbed and read this from Oswald Chambers… “That is the way the grace of God begins. It is a constraint we can never escape; we can disobey it, but we can never start it or produce it ourselves. We are drawn to God by a work of His supernatural grace, and we can never trace back to find where the work began. Our Lord’s making of a disciple is supernatural. He does not build on any natural capacity of ours at all. God does not ask us to do the things that are naturally easy for us— He only asks us to do the things that we are perfectly fit to do through His grace, and that is where the cross we must bear will always come.”
I am natural, He is SUPERnatural. In simple terms – I cannot compete with Him. I was not made with a single gene in me that will surpass the cross. BUT the beauty of it all is that He is ENTIRELY made of the cross – in FACT, He designed what the cross stood for and that is what I need and what I could never generate on my own – this supernatural power, this exceedingly love, this generous grace, this ever-flowing mercy, this mighty strength, this ultimate defence against evil, this ultimate act of good – the greatest gift that mankind would ever receive – that’s why we call it the POWER of the cross.
I learned this one thing today – that I am called by HIS grace and I am enabled by HIS grace.
If you ask me why sometimes I feel certain things in my being, my answer from now on will be this – I know not, but by HIS grace it will be revealed.
By HIS grace, I relinquish all my pain, my entire heart, my whole spirit unto Him and my He do what He may please for I am SOLD OUT for Jesus. You ask me what my convictions are? They are everything He died for and stands for.
It’s been a little while since I felt this stirring and naturally I returned to my old friend – my blog.
I feel like I’ve lost touch – but on the other hand I feel lifted to another plane. I can’t decide what’s going on in my spirit – it’s simply stirring…
I started reading a book about Grace by Andy Stanley and I cried… I wept because I felt something in my heart…
It’s a brand new season starting and again I fell prey to the habits of old – I got comfortable, I forgot, I succumbed.
God’s gentle hand is stirring in my soul and it’s the recipe for a life fulfilling His destiny for me.
I shall not claim ignorance anymore and must be fully held aware of where He is guiding me to….
It was never a question of if, it was always a question of when – and I was mistaken to have thought it was ever a question of “if”.
Dear Lord, continue to mend my wings and cover my feet. Prepare me for what is ahead. Help me live this ministry of Grace. Amen.
With such a title to a blogpost, you must wonder what is it that eats at my mind before my much awaited slumber…
I’ve chosen this song by Boyce Avenue, and yes I know it’s about a soulmate, someone I am waiting for, someone that is waiting for me. I love how as the male, he sings that he is on his way, it’s funny how instinctively I know as the female, I am meant to be waiting.
Anyway, that aside… this song got me thinking, if my soulmate is on his way, am I ready and worthy of him right now?
Recently, I’ve noticed myself slipping and I’m losing the plot a lot of the time. I lose sight of the bigger picture, I get caught up in the petty things and I’ve lost sight of what grace is and grace is about. I wouldn’t want my soulmate to meet an unforgiving and unrefined me.
So the one last thing before I lay my head to rest is this thing called grace – how do I abound with this thing called grace? How do I live actively applying this ministry?
How do I understand people in a way much more than I presently know. How do I tap into the divine and undersand this thing that drove Christ’s ministry.
Grace, my mystery, and I hope it mystifies no more.
Dear Lord, help me understand Grace the way You know it. Teach me. Amen.
I watched a movie today called 
